How can we make couples therapy or marriage counseling worth it?
Couples or relationship therapy is an investment. Many clients experience a great return. If you would like to get the most out of a relationship therapy or marriage counseling experience, some things to keep in mind are:
Find the right marriage therapist
It is wise to take the time to speak with several different relationship counselors or marriage therapists who specialize in couples counseling and relationship therapy. Take the therapist up on the offer for a no cost phone consultation. Be prepared to ask the questions that matter to you.
Examples of questions to ask a potential couples therapist:
What type of couples therapy or marriage counseling interventions do you use? Are those evidence based?
If you’re investing your time and energy into couples counseling, you want to know it will really help your relationship. While many therapists provide “couples counseling,” not everyone has specific training in evidence based couples counseling methods.
Well respected and proven relationship & couples therapy models include Emotionally Focused Therapy-EFT, Gottman Method, Relational Life Therapy (RLT, Terry Real), and Mindfulness based strategies. Knowing what methods a therapist uses in their couples and marriage counseling sessions can tell you something about their competence to help you in your relationship.
How long will we be in couples counseling or relationship therapy?
Not a single couples therapist can predict how long it will take or what the outcome will be. HOWEVER, you may want to ask the question anyway. How a relationship therapist or marriage counselor answers this question says a lot about their work and their counseling style. You want to know that your couples counselor is going to be open, direct and honest with you in your work together.
What age couples do you see in marriage therapy or relationship counseling? What types of partnerships?
You want to know that your couples counselor is used to working with couples similar to you and your partner. Not all counselors see clients whose relationships don’t fit the traditional mold. For example, if you are partners living together or a LGBTQ or polyamorous couple, finding an inclusive relationship counselor can sometimes be challenging.
What is the cost of couples therapy? Can I use my insurance?
What does “Out of Network” therapy benefits mean? How common is reimbursement for couples or marriage counseling services? The answers to these questions have become increasingly complex due to many factors. A relationship therapist should be able to at least point you in a direction to find reliable answers.
One of us had an affair. How do you approach this type of scenario in couples counseling? Can a relationship recover from an affair?
Not all marriage counselors work with clients who have experienced infidelity. This is a specialized area of couples work. However, some couples therapists really enjoy helping couples grow together in their relationship or marriage after an affair. If you are coming to couples counseling after an affair, you want to ensure your therapist is experienced in this area.
We are thinking of divorce. Please talk about your experience with married couples “on the brink”?
Similar to affair recovery, not every marriage counselor specializes in working with couples very near divorce. You may want to ask about your therapist’s experience in this area as well as how they might be able to help if you and your spouse do decide on a divorce.
When should we begin Couples or Marriage Therapy?
Couples counseling is effective at supporting relationships at every stage. However, seeking guidance earlier rather than later may impact relationship outcomes.
Premarital counseling
Partnerships in the dating stage can benefit from couples therapy. At this point the unhealthy patterns have not become automatic. Premarital counseling is effective, especially as an educational moment to celebrate the partnership. Premarital counseling also gives you a chance to come to a mutual understanding about opportunities for improvement.
RElationship and Marriage counseling early on
Newly partnered or married couples (1-5 years) benefit from raising awareness about why and how to address painful relationship cycles.
couples considering divorce
Finally, yes, couples “on the brink” can benefit from couples therapy. Especially, if individuals show up ready to be honest about personal thoughts on unhappiness, emotional affairs, possible separation plans, divorce outcomes, etc.
there are no guarantees
Couples therapy is not a guarantee to fix or get to a certain outcome. However, relationship therapy and marriage counseling can raise awareness and support partners as they make tough decisions.
How to get the most out of couples or marriage counseling
Be Honest.
Marriage counseling or relationship therapy is based on each person’s willingness to ask and answer tough questions. When one or more parties keep information or feelings private, the process often comes to a stand still. A good relationship therapist will not judge you or your relationship. There is not one reality in any relationship. An effective couples counselor can support partners in verbalizing complex and often scary thoughts and feelings.
Do your homework.
Some couples therapy will require work between sessions. You may be asked to reflect on and share your personal history and important stories in marriage counseling. You may be expected to practice new skills or read related materials. If it sounds like school, it is. You are invited to learn new ways of doing relationships.
Give it time.
We all want relief. We all want to move away from discomfort and towards contentment as fast as possible. We all want to know exactly what the future holds for our closest relationships. Unfortunately, meaningful couples and relationship therapy work that isn’t just about learning “tips” (there are apps for that). It takes time to experience real change.
Many partners stay together and remain unhappy for years before seeking professional help from a couples counselor or marriage therapist. There is a lot of resentment; bad habits have taken root. In couples counseling, it can take some time to unravel and release emotional distress. If you’re worried at any point about progress, it’s a great idea to share how you think the process is going, and ask your couples therapist what they think of the process and the on-going progress.
Couples and Marriage Counseling in Raleigh/Durham NC
You can’t see yourself, all by yourself. Couples counseling and relationship therapy can effectively support change in marriages and intimate relationships. If you would like to discuss how couples therapy or marriage counseling may help your relationship, contact me for a no cost phone consultation. I am a couples therapist and marriage counselor in my Durham/Raleigh, NC counseling office. As a relationship therapist, I am passionate about working with people to design their partnerships. Email me today to begin finding joy in your relationship! jessica@jrevelscounseling.com
Other Services provided by Jessica revels
I help a variety of clients improve their relationships. Whether you are seeking marriage counseling, polyamorous relationship therapy, co-parent counseling or divorce recovery therapy, I am here for you. I also offer individual mental health services including depression therapy, counseling during life transitions and anxiety treatment. Contact me today to begin making your way to happiness!