Let’s just wait…NOPE. Reasons to start couples counseling before problems get bigger.

No, don’t wait…start couples counseling before relationship problems get really big.

I get it.  Staying in the familiar is way easier, even if it’s really lonely, uncomfortable, and boring.  All of us can get used to avoiding home, expecting a sexless relationship, and living a parallel life to our partner. We can get really good at wishful thinking and playing the blame game. We can rationalize that our relationship or marriage will feel good and work better when our relationship meets that next milestone. For instance, you tell yourself, “my marriage will be fixed when….” For example “my marriage will be better when I get that new promotion, finish grad school, sell the house, get a puppy, kids to to high school, wait for the meds to kick in, lose weight, etc. “

You get it; humans are amazing at adapting. Change is risky. We become great at the DIYness of shoving all the relationship marriage unhappiness under the rug.

Is that what you want for yourself, your relationship, your life?

Come into marriage counseling now and save later.

Some of the most common relationship factors that may be signs of great pain to come CAN be effectively addressed in couples therapy.  As a relationship therapist, I believe (and have witnessed) how much harder it is to make changes after alienation, unhappiness, and dysfunctional attachment patterns are the norm. 

Great reasons to come to relationship counseling sooner rather than later:

It’s time to learn how to have better relationships.

Most of us were not taught how to do healthy interpersonal interactions. There is a solution. Couples therapy or marriage counseling is just the place to become familiar with building positive regard, emotional regulation, tuning in, moving towards real intimacy, avoiding shaming and blaming, etc. Just starting with the guideline of turning every complaint into a request statement can do wonders for lifting a dark, heavy relationship mood.

It’s time to work out your conflicts as a couple. 

Yep, it may be time to work a bit of your stuff out. Since most of us were never taught how to work out a real conflict or handle a quick rise of difficult emotions, we resort to the ways of the people we grew up around.  These examples of unhelpful conflict behaviors including total avoidance to outright rage, tend to be the worst way to repair relationship conflict and stay in connection. There are other options, and practicing these methods can be done in couples counseling.

You want to be realistic about what to expect in your marriage or relationship.

Get a sense of what is realistic and possible. Sorry friends, the fairy tale is just that—a created story.  The engagement and wedding photos and social media feeds are one big curated show. We used to marry to have sex, now we marry to stop having sex with others (thank you, Ester Perel).

Intimacy Changes Throughout a Relationship

Intimacy goes through stages. Relationships get messy.  After all the feel good infatuation hormones leave the building, we are left with something much rawer and typically unfamiliar. The couples therapy room is a great place to get a reality check on what modern, successful relationships look and feel like. In couples counseling, partners are free to express what disappoints, frustrates, and shocks. Partners then can engage in relationship design that actually leads to more intimacy, trust, celebration, fun, and satisfying sex. Clients often see and feel results after a few sessions.

Come into couples therapy.  Invest now, and save later.

I am a relationship therapist in the Raleigh/Durham area.  I work with couples that have been together a short while and many years. Ready to discuss how couples therapy can be the place to design the intimate relationship you really want? Contact me now:  jessica@jrevelscounseling.com or click the start now button at the top of the page.

Other Counseling Services in Durham, NC

Interested in other therapy and mental health services? I offer a range of counseling services in my Raleigh/Durham NC office including therapy for depression, anxiety treatment, therapy for life transitions and support for co-parenting. My other professional therapy specialties include marriage counseling, relationship therapy, couples counseling, premarital counseling and divorce recovery therapy.